BIBLIOTHERAPY: When the Past Is Present by David Richo
“The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and though we can repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated, our perception confused, our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill for it remains as incorruptible as the child who accepts no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth.” Alice Miller
Does our past impact our present and future? Absolutely! We are products of nature and nurture, and for many of us a lack of nurturance. With my Adlerian training background, I conceptualize personality development as our style of living, how we move through life. Much of the work we do at Coriander Living Collective is supporting clients in understanding, processing, and healing from past experiences so they are able to show up differently now and in the future. Brainspotting and EMDR are wonderful modalities that create lasting shifts around past experiences and their impacts.
“The human personality is thus not a solid reality but a pattern that keeps changing in accord with time and circumstance.” David Richo from When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships
In David Richo’s book, When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships he delves into the world of transference. Transference is when we carry the past into present: “Transference is an unconscious displacement of feelings, attitudes, expectations, perceptions, reactions, beliefs, and judgments that were appropriate to former figures in our lives, mostly parents, onto people in the present.” We transfer meaning from the past into the present about people, pets, places, things, and money.
Adulthood is an extension of our childhood, not a replacement of it. Richo believes, “The less trustworthy our world was in childhood, the more complicated are our relationships later.” Our childhood impacts our adult relationships. We all desire authentic intimacy where needs are mutually fulfilled yet often in relationships we employ the defense mechanisms of transference, displacement, projection, dissociation, and repression.
Richo challenges us to be mindful and attentive to the moments of our lives. To become aware of our transference. He states that if you have a strong avoidance or approach reaction to someone or something, it probably is an indication of transference at play. Strategies to handle transference and practice healthier relationships:
If you sense Hope, Expectation, or Despair: What happened in my childhood that is lingering on now with this situation?
A.P.R.I.: Address the problem/name it, process, resolve, and integrate. (Therapy sessions do this!)
Inner Critic: It comes from your left brain hemisphere, adjust your posture, stand up straight, engage your body, feel how sturdy and steady you are, which engages your right brain.
S.E.E.: What is activated here? My shadow? My Ego? My Earlier Self?
F.A.C.E: What am I afraid of? What am I attached to getting or proving? What am I trying to control? What do I think I am entitled to?
Stuck? Take inventory of the truth of where you are. Fears of moving on? What are you holding onto? Fears of letting go?
Relational Transactions: Matter of fact = informs. Emotionally affects me = transference. You and I intimacy = connects us.
Comings and Goings, Giving and Receiving, Being Accepted and Rejected, Letting Go and Moving On: Often result in anxiety, fear reactions which are based on our past experiences with comings and goings.
Repetition: Helps us move through things, process experiences. Are you spiraling or spinning? Spinning = stuck.
He wishes for us all to feel secure amid so many uncertainties, to find Adult Love which includes: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing to be ourselves in intimate relationships. Relationships can provide for us a safe container from which we can find comfort and feel safe enough to take on challenges. “Vulnerability is healthy when combined with stability.” Richo shares that no more than 25% of our needs can be fulfilled by one person in our lives. We need multiple close and supportive relationships.
Richo states, “We grow in our ability to know ourselves as we stabilize our lives through psychological and spiritual work.” Coriander Living Collective is here to support you in your growth! Just reach out.Open Floor classes are a wonderful way to practice our spiritual and psychological work! Join one soon!
