How to Support Young Adults with Upcoming Life Choices and Changes + Graduation and Next Steps!

As a therapist and parent, I can’t help but notice what this season of change might seem like for high school seniors as they approach graduation and prepare to adjust to their next phase in life. I imagine the spectrum of reaction is wide. Some of these young adults feel certain and are positively predictive about the path to their futures, eyes wide open with excitement and a definite plan in mind. Some might have felt the negative pressure of their environment or uncomfortable with social norms; eager to close this chapter and perhaps start a new one.  Others may be unclear about what the next steps are for them; uncertain, anxious and confused.

Some of the best things I believe we can do for young adults is to be curious, celebratory, and supportive of healthy decisions(whatever those are).  Assure them that they have choices and that there is no “exact route” to success and happiness; that if they can trust themselves along the path of twists and turns they will eventually land exactly where they need to be.  (Parents can benefit from this assurance too!) Remind them that this is the time for exploration; an opportunity to start figuring out who they are and how to find their place in the world. Let us not contribute to the social construct that there is only one path for each of us.  That simply is not true. Guide them with the experience of your own mistakes and successes; but don’t assume that your mistakes will also become theirs. Keep focused on celebrating with them, acknowledge their achievements, and honor the uniqueness of what each young person has to offer.

I will end this reflection with a writing by Whitney Fleming which I stumbled upon awhile back:

“Last year at a graduation party, I watched as guest after guest asked a young boy where he was headed to college after graduation.

Each time, he sheepishly replied, "I'm taking a year off to work to save money, and after that, I'm not sure."

People responded differently each time. "Well, don't put it off too long." Or, "Maybe you could just take a class or two." Or even, "Oh. Interesting."

Then one of my mom friends came over and asked the young man this: "Are you doing anything fun after graduation?"

And his face lit up. He talked about traveling cross-country with his dad to visit 10 baseball stadiums and starting his new job at a big retail chain. He openly told her that he was also taking the summer to figure out if he thought college was right for him because he struggled in high school.

As more and more students receive letters confirming where they are attending school next year, I keep thinking about the young man and the awkwardness he felt that day, answering question after question about something that did not pertain to him, making him feel less than his peers and uncomfortable.

I resolved at that moment to stop asking seniors, "Where do you want to go to college?" and instead use my friend's line instead: "Do you have any fun plans after graduation?"

If a young person wants to share if they are going to a college or any other plans, I'll leave it to them, but I don't want to be the reason they feel bad about their choice.

Let's normalize that college isn't for everyone.

Let's congratulate them on whatever choices they make for themselves.

Let's celebrate the young people who make the best decisions for their unique needs.

Let's take the pressure off of what's next and instead ask about something fun.

Let's stop thinking there's only one path to success.

The graduation season is coming fast, and many teens are stressed about their future plans.

Let's try to celebrate where they are at this moment instead of putting pressure on what they are going to do next.”

If you or your child is struggling with an upcoming transition, graduation, or future steps, it’s understandable! Maturing can be hard. Coriander Living Collective is here for support. Just reach out!