BIBLIOTHERAPY: Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship by Stephen Snyder, M.D.
As humans, we are sexual beings. Our sexual development, sexual health, sexual expression, and sexual satisfaction contribute to our overall well-being. And yet often, for different reasons, many struggle around sexuality.
Dr. Stephen Snyder is a sex therapist in Manhattan. His book, Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship includes three parts: Your Sexual Self, Women and Men, and Sex for Life. Dr. Snyder writes with a no-nonsense, direct approach that offers practical actions to better sex in a long-lasting relationship. Here’s a few tidbits:
· Stay out of your own way so your sexual self can do what it knows how to do naturally.
· Sexual excitement is a primitive, selfish state.
· Sharing food is part of the primitive mating ritual. Avoid sharing meals with someone you may be tempted to cheat with.
· Strict sexual monogamy is a recent development in human history, we’ve been a pair-bonded species for millions of years, but sexual exclusivity is a new idea, like most people your sexual self would love to have security and some action on the side, set reasonable limits.
· Good sex makes us feel good about yourselves, it’s validating.
· Sex is about enjoying and being enjoyed. It should be playful, fun, and easy.
· “Sexual selfishness tends to be more erotic than sexual generosity.”
· Learn to simmer.
· Too much cuddling can neuter your relationship.
· When a man feels a woman is a sure thing, he stops chasing her. Don’t stop chasing.
· A man who feels criticized or unaccepted will withdraw.
· Desire comes and goes, you don’t need desire to have good sex, take time to open to sexual energy, spend time in bed doing nothing together vs. trying to force things.
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